(UPDATED)The last two to three weeks went by so fast.
My father-in-law, Lolo Mar, passed away at the age of 90 on April 21, 2025. Days before that, his health declined quickly. He has several known medical conditions: hypertension and diabetes. With temperatures at a high in April, he complained of chest pains one afternoon. (We later realized he turned off the AC in his room). So we brought him to the hospital, where he was admitted for a few days. But he was discharged later. Having recovered, he managed to attend his youngest daughter’s birthday. He looked frail, but he tried to show a smile whenever he could.
On a Monday morning, I was at work, having a meeting with my team, when I got the call. I missed the first call from my eldest daughter; then I saw her text message. My wife, one of Lolo Mar’s daughters, called too, and she was sobbing and saying, “He’s gone. He’s gone,” in Ilocano. It took me a while to process this information. I then packed up my things and headed home. I was preparing for this time, but it felt surreal when it happened.
Fast forward to this week. My family and I, along with my brother-in-law and his wife, brought Lolo Mar’s cremated remains back to where he wanted to be buried – next to his wife, who died back in the 1980s. Relatives from different places came to say goodbye to him.
It was a hot morning. We had a choir composed of teachers from a Seventh-Day Adventist school and a pastor who spoke about life and death. Lolo Mar’s sons—now based abroad—delivered their recorded eulogy while I took photos and videos of the burial rites. I also offered a “thank you” message on behalf of my wife. More stories were shared about Lolo Mar; then, it was time to bury him next to his wife and her wife’s sister, who died a year ago. All three are in one spot in a private cemetery in Santiago City, Isabela.
At 90, I consider Lolo Mar strong. In December, he took a road trip with us and the family (including the dogs). Before driving up the mountains to Sagada in Mt. Province, we spent the night in Baguio City. We had a brief medical scare when Lolo Mar complained of tiredness and chest pains when we arrived in the cold city of Baguio. Maybe he was adjusting to the weather, we thought.
Lolo Mar didn’t complain that much during these trips. He only alerted us when he needed to pee. So, I was always ready to stop in lay-bys if he needed to piss. He endured the long drive – his last one – but enjoyed the adventure. Our last stop before returning to Metro Manila was a beachfront Airbnb in San Fabian, Pangasinan.
Lolo Mar also loved to eat. Being Ilocano, he loved vegetables. He also loved home-cooked Tilapia, prito, or tinuno. During his last days, he ate his favorite dish, nilagang Bangus (milkfish). I remember that Lolo Mar loved to cook, too. He was good with food, a trait which his sons and daughters “inherited.” He also loved his kids but was very quiet. When he was younger, my wife said he was a disciplinarian. He also pushed his children to work hard. His life was simple. He loved reading and listening to the news. He loved watching boxing matches and old and new fights streamed over YouTube or shown on cable when we still had one.
Lolo Mar is also curious. But he had his routine. When he still had the strength, he would sneak out of our home to have his barber’s cut at his favorite mall. He would also stop by a lotto betting shop to bet some money to try his luck. He would tell us that if he won, he would give us and his granddaughters all that money.
One of my dogs loved Lolo Mar. My dog would jump at him whenever he came down for dinner as if he hadn’t seen him for days. (Lolo Mar stayed on the third floor of my home). Lolo Mar had favorites: he would often call my youngest to go out and bet for him when he was too weak to walk and go out.
Years ago, Lolo Mar responded quickly when I lost consciousness, having been sick for days. My blood sugar went down (hypoglycemia), and for a diabetic, that could lead to shock. I remember him rubbing my chest when I woke up and whispering to me in Ilocano, “Wake up; you still have your kids and family to take care of.” He thought I was gone. I thought I was gone.
Lolo Mar was always part of my family, having lived with us for quite some time. He had his little room at home. Next to him are books he borrowed, a transistor radio (back when we had one), bottled water, and meds. Near the night desk, he had a handy meter, which he would use to check his blood pressure when he felt dizzy. I had mine, too. So we laughed once at the idea that we were “classmates” for having the same medical conditions: hypertension and diabetes.
Lolo Mar and I have the same family doctor. He beamed whenever his medical tests showed better numbers than mine. My wife would then “remind me” to watch what I eat or drink. She always reminded me to exercise and move a lot.
Lolo Mar was not talkative, but when he did talk, he would share stories about him during World War II (he was a young boy when this happened). He and I would talk about the news. While our politics differed, he and I would share opinions about some news that day. I don’t remember Lolo Mar knowing about my previous journalism career, but he was well-informed for someone who didn’t talk much.
He loved boxing and basketball, two of which he watched on TV and later streamed. Whenever he could, he would watch me play NBA2K on my PS4, cheering for the team I was playing—as if this was a real basketball game he was witnessing. Some days, I would open up the TV and play YouTube videos of old boxing matches of Pacquiao and other boxing greats. He loved Pacquiao.
Lolo Mar likes old music by Perry Como. Because of that, I created a Spotify playlist of songs inspired by Como and played it during road trips. This made him smile and nostalgic.
Lolo Mar has had a good life, having lived life to the fullest. According to his sons’ eulogies, he raised his children well. His daughters loved him very much and took care of him. (I’ve seen this up close and every day.) He is a simple man with simple dreams. He still wished to celebrate his 91st birthday with us in his last few days.
Bye, Lolo Mar. We will miss you and your quiet presence at home and on our regular road trips. We will miss you saying a prayer whenever we travel. Your calm demeanor is something that I will always remember.
My condolences to you and your family 💐